why?

I don't know what's been happening to these past days. It seems like I feel entirely disconnected from everything. It seems like I just "exist" but I don't really exist.

Can this be attributed to my incessant want to ignore some things around me? Like those stupid effing things that keep going on and on and that look like they're not gonna end anytime soon? I don't know. I friggin' don't know.

I mean, I get up late in the morning, take a bath, run to the mrt station to push my way into the stupid train, endure the sardinas ride all the way to magallanes, sit in front of this blasted pc all day, mutter and mumble and whine about the stupid internet connection, go home late at night, make a phonecall, and then sleep again. What a sick cycle. It leaves me, I dunno, spent and tired and starting to reconsider why I've been pushing myself too hard.

So, I do mundane things every day. And it's getting increasingly boring. But I do things. So that would mean that I am living, that I am existing, right? I mean, in the simplest sense, right? But why the hell am I not feeling that?

---

I'm tired of dying here alone...but you can set me free...
I'm wired and lying here too stoned...to know what I could be...
- Superdrag, Garmonbozia