gone

she opens her eyes with much ado.
she hates the coming of another morning,
the sun is up, another day starts anew,
time again to join the world of the living.

she stands there by the curb,
random people pass her by.
completely apathetically disconnected
and yet she never even bothered why.

she tries to lend her ears to the sound
that resonates not for her to hear.
tries so hard but fails to connect
she and this world just won't intersect.

she opens her eyes to see
the images turning gray and blurry.
she allows herself a pinprick to feel,
still everything doesn't feel real.

come night, as soon as her eyes close,
her mind travels instantly
into another world, another universe,
a world her soul craves for hungrily.

psychedelic colors around her twirl
mountains, skyscrapers combine in a swirl.
there, everything is for her to feel,
in her world, everything is just so real.

but mornings come, they always do;
and again she stirs, opens her eyes,
another day to go through
the motions that she so despises.

once again standing there watching by,
entirely disconnected yet uncannily calm.
she never really needed to wonder why,
she lives, dwells in another realm.

entirely disconnected, seeing things from afar,
she stares placidly til the day is done.
night time comes, a welcome refuge,
and then she's gone...instantly she's gone.

---

the outside world beckons...

yet again. had another job exam this afternoon and my black boots are totally killing my feet. good luck pa sa min nung hinahanap namin ang orient square.

elai couldn't believe it was mervz who was gone. ang text kasi sa min ng erg, kuya merwin, eh inisip niya kuya, as in kuya niya. eh pero nga, matanda na nga kami sa org no. tas while we were memorizing the coaching notes, we were chatting about him. i had to describe him pa kasi hindi niya mapagtugma na si mervz nga yun. "mahaba hair, astig, magaling magsoccer, mabait, parating bumabati..."

elai was shocked and she stared to nowhere for a few minutes...

sana kung nasan man si mervz, masaya na siya...isang buhay na naman ang nasayang sa ka-gwakanangshetan ng mga demonyong nananaksak na yan.