23 things i learned last year

[1] sprains, falls, and injuries can happen anytime of day, any day of the year. no matter how you avoid them, they still happen. like some other things that are totally out of your control. everything happens for a reason. don't bother worrying about them. they just happen anyway.

[2] death doesn't choose when it will arrive, who it will take, and how the process would transpire. anybody can just go, right this minute, tomorrow or next week.

[3] "you take away my heroes, can you take away my pain?" - dream theater. there will always be a time when people you look up to will disappoint you and leave you disillusioned. but heroes may they be, they are still human. and all humans do make mistakes sometimes.

[4] "people are inherently good" - still trying to hold on to this one. yes, people are inherently good even if only a miniscule amount of good is embedded in their being.

[5] my faith has exponentially disintegrated. i know i'm bound and supposed to do something about it soon, but my mind is currently in chaos. still, no excuse can be offered to make up for the decay nor the blame put on anything or anyone other than me.

[6] saying "sorry" is rewarding eventhough it is really hard to say, especially for a person equipped with a gigantic pride like me. saying "sorry" used to sound foreign to me, but now it is slowly becoming natural. it's not really that hard to ignore my pride.

[7] i still can't handle disappointment. it depresses me and when i get depressed, i tend to pull people's moods towards my own. i have to learn how not to expect too much from people, that way the disappointment wouldn't be too huge to bother me and turn me crazier than i currently am.

[8] anger management - does anyone know where i can get a crash course?

[9] whenever i feel like my life is slipping through my fingers, there's always a core support group that i can bother. they know who they are.

[10] ped xing is not a wealthy chinese businessman advertising and campaining for the next local elections in manila (there happens to be a lot of ped xing signs along españa). ped xing is actually the cousin of railroad xing -- an american indian chinoy who is very fond of dilapidated trains. boplax tina.

[11] i am an acoustic person by heart. but i can swing by any genre from time to time. last week i was hooked on rock after watching jack black's movie. last month i was listening to gregorian. from time to time i would dabble in classical. i can handle the oldies and after the boards, i'm gonna search audio files of billie holiday and nina simone. but nevertheless, i always go back to acoustic.

[12] the strongest, tallest team doesn't necessarily win the tourney. the l.a. sparks (blech!) had last season's best w-l record in the wnba. they had the diva, lisa leslie, who despite being a world-class bi**h is a hell of a player. if only she'd shut her mouth, she'd be so much likeable. but anyway, seattle had a stroke of luck (sac monarchs beat sparks, seattle storm beat monarchs and ct sun), had lauren jackson and sue bird (unbelievable tandem), had great coaching staff (hail first woman coach to win wnba title), and a great support cast. seattle storm won the finals and i rejoiced. halleluiah!

[13] there are geniuses and there are those who survive through pure luck, blood and toil, tears and sweat, sleepless and torturous nights, and sheer unadulterated effort. i belong to the second category.

[14] i still hate changes. there is no such thing as a subtle change to me. changes are designed to shatter the seemingly perfect ordered chaos of my universe.

[15] people move on and get on with their lives. what you were before is not what you are today and may not be what you'll be tomorrow. we all have our own lives to live and be angsty about. people move on and get on with their lives, whether or not i'm part of them.

[16] friends come and go. it depends on me who i want to keep and who i have to let go. it depends on me if i would just keep standing still and let people pass me by. it depends on me if i would soon flag them down and ask them to stay. until then the question won't be "will they stay?" but "will i always let people go away?"

[17] not all people will like you. so stop pretending you're someone that you're not. you can always do that in your imagination anyway. also, not all people will agree with you, so cherish those who do and respect those who don't.

[18] i am a walking contradiction. i am an angsty melodramatic headache grown to life and yet i despise my migraines. i spew out nonsense and pretend like it's brainfood when i should be improving my state of mind. i squeeze my gray matter dry in order to produce numbers but words appear instead.

[19] stars can be reached, galaxies can be crossed. it all just really depends on proper motivation and tireless gut-wrenching work, both of which i seem to have little of.

[20] cutting myself was a very stupid and infantile thing to do. i know i'm masochistic but i should soon put it inside my cranium that i should stop blaming and hurting myself for the deeds done by other people. yes, it could avoid conflict but it could be very well the start of my self-destruction.

[21] "childhood is short and maturity is forever" - calvin and hobbes. i'm living my childhood now after missing out on it when i was still legitimately a kid. and i don't really have any desire yet to go get out there and get trampled by the maturity of it all.

[22] "i am cookie dough...i'm not done baking. i'm not finished becoming whoever the hell it is i'm gonna turn out to be. i make it though this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day i turn around and realize...i'm ready. i'm cookies. i'm done." - buffy the vampire slayer, final episode, final season.

[23] lastly, no matter how childish, bratty, unreasonable, insensitive i can be, there are some people who'll always be there for me. i may not be perfect and i may fail tremendously, and yet there are people who are willing to stick it out with me. and so the fear of being alone should be cast away, because there's always someone who's willing to stay.